Around a month ago, my friend met this guy, they went out together a few times and nothing happened between them. When another friend and I met him, we got the feeling he was interested in her but just not emotionally available. He seems to be in this kind of self-discovering journey.
She asked herself and me as the listener constantly why this guy seems to be into her but at the same time rejecting her, you know, sending all these mixed messages. And from an inspiration, I came up with this analogy that later I had to use it for myself too, and it says:
AFTER HOURS OF HARDWORK, YOU GOT PAID, AND WHY NOT TREAT YOURSELF WITH A NICE MEAL IN A FANCY RESTAURANT. YOU GET READY AND WITH EXPECTATIONS YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU WILL ORDER, OF COURSE, THAT DELICIOUS SALMON YOU SAW ONCE ON INSTAGRAM. BUT WHEN YOU ARRIVED TO THE RESTAURANT, READY TO ORDER, THE WAITER WARNED YOU SAYING: "SORRY, BUT OUR KITCHEN IS HALF EMPTY, WE ARE MISSING MOST OF THE INGREDIENTS, SO OUR DISHES WILL BE INCOMPLETE".
THE THING IS... THE PRICE WILL REMAIN AS THE ORIGINAL ONE. WILL YOU PAY FOR THAT MEAL? OR WILL YOU JUST COME BACK ANOTHER DAY WHEN THE KITCHEN IS FULL?
THE SAME WITH RELATIONSHIPS, EVEN IF THE OTHER PERSON WANT TO GIVE YOU THE BEST BUT IF THEY ARE NOT READY, THEN WHAT YOU ARE ASKING FOR IS JUST UNAVAILABLE. NOW... IT’S YOUR DECISION TO GIVE KNOWING THAT YOU PROBABLY WON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT.
SO, HOW MUCH ARE YOU GOING TO SPEND KNOWING THAT THE KITCHEN IS NOT COMPLETE?
Sometimes the unavailable person is yourself, or both. In my opinion, to be fair, we should be able to be open and express it to the other person, so both can get to and agreement, and simply respect the other person decision without blaming yourself, and I'm going to be open with my own experience about it. I met this guy, who I like a lot... in a way it surprised me (in a positive way), I really really really wanted it to work, but to be honest, I was still dealing with my past relationship traumas and I guess he too. So speaking from my perspective that is the one I have, it's just unfair the pressure I was putting on myself because I knew that what I was giving to him wasn't the best of me, even if I want to, I wasn't as open as I usually am, low self-esteem, unconscious comparison, constantly thinking that it will end like my past relationship, questioning if I was attractive or not, if he was playing with me or being serious, etc. and is not his job to fix that, it's mine, so it was a very hard decision I had to accept that we were not ready yet, and was quite difficult to get to a middle point.
Time and energy are two very valuable things for me, and when we are interacting with other humans we use these two incredible resources, so... let's respect others space, and get clear with what you want so you can use your time and energy without harming yourself because in the end the responsibility with your inner child and how you treat him/her is yours.
Don't worry, take a deep breath when you need it, and trust that you will understand everything if you stay open and float, so you can flow. May the love and light always shine your heart.
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